


Opening Up

by LittleTaliMagpie



Series: Gamer/Streamer AU [4]
Category: Digimon Adventure Zero Two | Digimon Adventure 02
Genre: Arguing, Child Neglect, Gamer AU - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Ichijouji Osamu (mentioned), Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Other characters mentioned - Freeform, Referenced Suicide Attempt, Speedrunner Ken, Streamer AU, Vlogger Daisuke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2020-03-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:01:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23132089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleTaliMagpie/pseuds/LittleTaliMagpie
Summary: Daisuke's been acting off but he avoids all of Ken's attempts to discuss his worries.It all comes to a head one day after they deal with the fallout from accidentally streaming a heated make-out session.
Relationships: Ichijouji Ken/Motomiya Daisuke | Davis Motomiya
Series: Gamer/Streamer AU [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1644697
Comments: 3
Kudos: 18
Collections: Daiken Discord Server





	Opening Up

**Author's Note:**

> I finally have time to post this! I've been so busy recently that I've barely written anything at all ;n;
> 
> Idk when my next post will be. I only have one other fic written up atm that needs reading over so I might post it next week.
> 
> This fic carries on from my 5+1 and is the argument mentioned in Exploration and Compromise. It actually got way darker than I initially planned. There's a lot of stuff mentioned from the past that I'm not sure how to tag so I'm putting extra trigger warnings here for:  
> \- referenced suicide attempt  
> \- referenced physical abuse  
> \- referenced mental abuse/bullying  
> \- referenced child abuse/neglect  
> \- reference to drinking  
> \- past running away  
> \- vague flashbacks of abuse
> 
> I think that's everything, please let me know if anything else stands out so I can add it for everyone else to be wary of! <3  
> As always, please enjoy and any constructive criticism is welcome <3

‘ _ He’s doing it again… _ ’ Ken frowned, the laughter around him seeming distant as he focused on his best friend. He was laughing along with everyone, even though he’d just been horribly insulted. 

Miyako wiped her eye and continued. “Honestly though, how the hell did you manage to start the stream up  _ mid-make-out _ ?! Like damn, I knew you were dense and that you don’t pay attention to little things, but come on! That’s gotta be some terrible luck, Daisuke!” She cackled, everyone else joining in, including Daisuke -  _ why are you laughing?? _

“Everything okay, Ken- _ kun _ ?” Hikari’s voice came from his left. He blinked and looked at her, shaking himself and sending her a reassuring smile. She frowned. “What’s bothering you?”

Ken hesitated, glancing back at Daisuke who was walking between Miyako and Sora. “I don’t understand how he can laugh that off…” he murmured. 

Hikari hummed. “Maybe that kinda stuff doesn’t bother him?” 

Ken shook his head. “He doesn’t like  _ showing _ that it bothers him.” He tucked some hair behind his ear, sighing. “I wish he’d be more open about it. I’ve been trying to encourage him but he shuts me down once he realises. A relationship is about trust and communication, being shut down like that makes me feel…” he shrugged, struggling to find the words.

Hikari laid a hand on his arm, expression sympathetic. “Have you tried telling him that?”

Ken ran a hand through his hair. “No… bringing it up when he’s already upset from me pushing would leave a bad taste in my mouth…”

“Why not once you’re alone after this? He hopefully won’t be that upset and it won’t be right after an argument.”

“Hmm, maybe,” he started. “I think--”

“Hey, what're you two muttering about, huh?” Daisuke called, interrupting him. “Hurry up or you’ll get left behind!” Ken sighed and sent Hikari a half-smile, jogging to catch up. Daisuke slung an arm around his shoulders and leaned against him. Ken smiled, reaching up to lace their fingers together and revelling in Daisuke’s responding broad grin. “So, what were you two talking about?”

Ken made an effort to keep smiling. “I’ll tell you later, when we get home.” Daisuke gave him an odd look but dropped the subject. Ken knew he’d bring it back up at the first chance he got, though.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The door swung shut with a quiet click, Ken shrugging off his jacket as Daisuke flipped the light switch. He was tense, he knew, but he was awaiting the inevitable question.

Daisuke slid on his slippers and shuffled towards the kitchen. “Anything in particular you want for dinner?” he asked. Odd, was he stalling? Maybe he’d noticed Ken’s tension and was trying to relax him first? “Ken?”

He started. “Oh! Sorry, I was miles away… I don’t want anything specific, surprise me.” With a smile, he made a beeline for the bedroom. Maybe he could wait until after dinner--

Daisuke cut him off. “Okay, what’s going on? You’ve been all weird and evasive since the walk back from today’s meet-up. What’s bothering you?”

“It’s nothing that can’t wait until after dinner…” Ken tried to duck past him but Daisuke moved back into his path. Irritation flared and Ken did his best to suppress it; anger would do no good in this situation. “Please, Dai, I just wanna get changed into something more comfortable.” Daisuke’s frown deepened but he moved out of the way. With a relieved  _ thank you _ , Ken slipped into the bedroom, leaning against the closed door and breathing deep. “If I wanna confront him about this, I’m gonna have to try harder than that.” he muttered. With a huff, Ken pushed off the door and moved to the closet to find something to relax in.

He made his way back out into the living room a few minutes later, Daisuke already hard at work making dinner in the kitchen. Ken sidled up behind him, winding his arms around Daisuke’s waist. “What did you decide on?” 

Daisuke hummed, leaning back a little. “Beef stir-fry.” 

Ken inhaled deeply, sighing. “It smells wonderful.”

“Thanks.”

Ken frowned; he was being awfully short… “I’ll go set the table.” Daisuke grunted, focused on the food. After a moment, Ken pressed a soft kiss to his neck before pulling away and opening the cupboards. There was quite a lot of food so he grabbed larger bowls, double-checking with Daisuke that they were suitable. At his agreement, Ken placed them on the counter and rummaged through the drawer for their chopsticks and some placemats. 

Once the table was ready, Ken sat down to watch Daisuke work. He made cooking look so  _ easy _ , how could he never consider going to school? He clearly had the passion for it too, always coming up with new ideas and combinations - though they weren’t always edible - and developing his skills whenever he had the time. He remembered Ken’s favourites like they were his own, always making them when he seemed upset… like today, in fact. Ken mustn’t have been as subtle as he’d thought, if Daisuke was making something he loved so much. 

He jumped when a hand suddenly waved in his face. “There you are! I’ve been calling you for like five minutes.” Daisuke frowned, placing a bowl of stir-fry in front of Ken before taking his own place opposite him. “You’ve been weirdly off today. All spacey and stuff. Is everything okay?”

Ken settled back down slowly, picking up his chopsticks. “Well, something has been worrying me lately,” he admitted. “I don’t really wanna talk about it over dinner though…”

Daisuke wasn’t having any of it. “Nuh-uh! You’ve been avoiding saying something all day. We’re alone now so if it’s about our relationship…”

Ken sighed and picked at his food, appetite suddenly plummeting. “It’s about…” He bit his lip before putting his chopsticks down again, mustering his courage to look Daisuke in the eye. ”It’s about how everyone talks about you derisively and how you always pretend to shrug it off.” Daisuke froze, eyes wide. “I’ve noticed it pretty often. And I know it bothers you so no trying to laugh it off.” Maybe that was a little  _ too _ blunt. Ken made an effort to calm himself, watching as Daisuke stared at the table. “Really, Dai. Please lean on me, I’m here to support you.” He reached across the table and brushed his fingers against Daisuke’s knuckles, recoiling when he flinched.

Daisuke looked up and Ken could see the walls going up as he laughed shakily. “Really Ken, don’t make a big deal out of it. I can take a few mean words.”

“What did I say about laughing it off?”

Daisuke scowled. “C’mon Ken, it’s just banter.”

Ken frowned. “It would be ‘ _just banter_ ’ if it didn’t actually offend you.” Daisuke sighed sharply and dropped his chopsticks, which clattered loudly against the table.

He ran a hand through his hair. “Okay, yeah, maybe it  _ does _ bug me. So what?” he scoffed. “Gonna tell everyone not to say mean things to the big wuss?”

Ken’s eyes widened. “What? No-one’s calling you a wuss, Dai. A part of friendship is setting and respecting one’s boundaries.” Daisuke laughed mirthlessly. “I mean it! If it’s genuinely hurtful, you should-”

“I don’t  _ care _ what I  _ should _ do!” He slammed his hand against the table, startling Ken and freezing him in place. Daisuke slumped back in his chair with a deep sigh. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap or scare you. I’m just… not used to people noticing, I guess. That’s kinda sad, huh?” he chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck.

Ken slowly forced himself to relax and bit his lip. “Is… is this a similar reason to why you always shut me down?”

“Huh?”

“When I try to nudge you into applying for culinary school.”

Daisuke scoffed, waving a hand dismissively. “Nah, that just hurts because it’s another failure.”

“But you never even tried-”

“Don’t start on this one, Ken. For fuck sake, we’ve been over this a hundred times-”

“No, we  _ haven’t _ because you always  _ shut me down like you just did! _ ” 

Daisuke growled, his lips pressed into a thin line. “Well, that’s just me setting a boundary,” he snapped. “Maybe if you respected it, I wouldn’t  _ need _ to shut you down!” Ken felt like he’d been slapped. Daisuke’s glare softened and he reached out. “Hey, I’m sorry. That was uncalled-for.” Ken pushed away from the table, retreating to the bedroom, vision blurring. “Hey, Ken! Wait! I-!” Ken didn’t hear the rest, swinging the door shut with a loud  _ bang! _ Leaning against it, he slid down until he was sitting and buried his face in his knees. ‘ _ What a disaster… _ ’

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He wasn’t sure how long he sat there or when he’d fallen asleep, but he was startled awake when something was draped over him. He looked up, scrubbing his face.

“Hey.” Daisuke’s voice was quiet as he tried to coax Ken into standing. “C’mon, sleeping on the floor like this isn’t good for you.” Ken shook him off, wrapping the blanket tighter around himself. Daisuke sighed before settling beside him.

Ken frowned. “How’d you ev’n geddin here?” he mumbled, speech slurred with sleep. Daisuke chuckled and pointed to the balcony door. Ken blinked. “Oh.”

“You’re adorable when you’re sleepy,” Daisuke said softly. Ken scoffed, curling up tighter and wishing he could go back to sleep. He was too tired for post-argument awkwardness.

It was silent for a while, long enough that Ken started to drift off again, before Daisuke spoke up. “I was never really good at academics,” he started. “My best grades were in P.E. and Home Economics. My parents wanted me to get a ‘respectable’ job-” he made air quotes with his fingers. “So when I told them I wanted to be a ramen chef, they laughed in my face. And when they realised I was serious, they said they wouldn’t accept that. Unless, of course, I got my grades up. So I tried. I tried really,  _ really _ fuckin’ hard. I got my averages up to Bs in most subjects, did all my homework on time, all that jazz. But...”

“But it was never enough.” Ken finished. 

Daisuke nodded. “Yeah, never. By the time I graduated, I had two C grades and my parents used that as an excuse to write me off. My teachers’ compliments were always backhanded, like “ _ Well done, but study a little harder next time so you can get a higher grade _ ”. Everyone just joked about how ‘ _ hopeless _ ’ I was. Even after all that effort, it just… wasn’t enough.” Ken leaned into him and Daisuke wrapped him up in a hug, clinging tightly. “I ended up giving up on my dream and worked part-time to make ends meet. Eventually, I hit a lucky break and made it big in vlogging and I’ve been financially independent ever since. And my parents don’t get to see a single yen.” Daisuke snickered slightly before sobering. “But that’s why the whole going-back-to-school thing is a touchy subject for me. I didn’t mean to shut you out or hurt you. I’m sorry.”

Ken closed his eyes and leaned his head on Daisuke’s shoulder. “I understand. I just worried that this communication issue would lead to a rift in our relationship. It’s so new but I care so much, I was terrified of losing it, of losing you-”

“Hey, shhh, it’s okay.” Daisuke wrapped his arm around Ken and squeezed him gently. “I wish I would’ve opened up about it to you sooner, to save you the stress. “ He shook his head slightly. “Well, I can’t change the past. Thank you for looking out for me, Ken.”

For a while, they sat in companionable silence, just enjoying each other’s company. But eventually, Ken felt the need to speak up. “Have you ever wondered why I became a speedrunner?” Daisuke made a confused sound. “When I was younger, I had an older brother. His name was Osamu and he was a literal genius. Top grades, studying beyond his level, able to comprehend things he shouldn’t have… My parents had him take an IQ test when he was 7; the average is between ninety and one hundred and ten. He got one hundred and twenty-eight.” Daisuke whistled lowly and Ken smiled. “They were so proud of him. I was, too. My amazing older brother was being recognised for his talents. But…” His smile fell and he hesitated. Daisuke squeezed his shoulder lightly and Ken took a breath. “But because of the recognition, he ended up with a lot of pressure on him. Pressure to succeed, to improve, to help society… to help my parents, financially.” He grit his teeth. “It was always too much, he was so young-- He was never really taught to control his temper…”

“So he took the stress out on you?” His tone was clipped. 

Ken laughed bitterly. “Bingo. Most of the time, he was fine, the sweetest kid. But on his off-days…” Ken shuddered violently, memories flashing across his vision. Daisuke pulled him closer, pressed gentle kisses to his forehead and hair until the spell broke. After a few moments, he spoke up again, voice smaller than before. “I always covered the bruises and pretended it didn’t hurt  _ that _ bad. He was hurting more than me and he had so many expectations to live up to. I wish I could’ve done something more-”

“Don’t think like that. You were a child - I mean, you both were, but you were younger. It’s not your responsibility to make those decisions. I bet you never asked him for help, right?” Ken nodded. “And, knowing you, you probably  _ also _ did all his chores, right?” Another nod. “You did everything you could as a younger sibling to try and relieve the pressure. Your parents should’ve realised that such great expectations could be harmful to someone so young. Based on the way you’ve been speaking, I assume he’s… no longer with us?”

Ken closed his eyes, head dropping. “Not really. He tried to take his own life when he was 14.” Daisuke inhaled sharply, wrapping Ken up in a tight hug. Ken squeezed his eyes shut tighter. It hurt so much to talk about... “The doctors saved him, but he was never the same. He lives on a ward now; I visit sometimes, when I can. It’s why I couldn’t go out on that date last month, actually.”

Daisuke hummed, rubbing Ken’s arm absently. “I see. It’s awful that that happened, to both of you. That much pressure is bad for anyone. But that doesn’t give him the right to take it out on you when you were just trying to support him.” He faltered and Ken could almost feel his curiosity.

He shifted closer, silently hoping Daisuke understood his need for more support. “My parents didn’t take it well. Actually, they ‘ _ didn’t understand what had led him to it _ ’,” he scoffed. “Once it was clear that my brother would never be who he was again, they started falling apart. My mum would wander around the apartment and randomly burst into tears, my dad became distant and drank more. It felt like the weight of maintaining the family fell on my shoulders. So, I I set aside my own grief and did what I could to help ease the strain. I studied harder, worked later, did more chores. Unfortunately, that didn’t work out how I’d hoped.”

“Was it not enough?” Daisuke asked, brow creasing in concern.

“The opposite. My parents saw my sudden improvements and latched onto the idea that I was a ‘late bloomer’. Essentially, they put me in Osamu- _ nii san _ ’s place and acted like everything was back to how it was before. They only ever had one son, after all,” Ken scowled. “My brother was so special, my parents basically forgot I existed. They never went to my class events, barely ever looked at my report card. They even forgot about my birthday. Twice.”

“Geez…” Daisuke hissed. “That’s so horrible!”

“Yeah, well. After suddenly being put in Osamu- _ nii san _ ’s place, I understood how much pressure he was under. Why he’d lash out, though I don’t condone the abuse. Why he’d try to escape it. Oh, don’t worry; I never made any attempts myself,” He quickly mentioned, sensing Daisuke’s worries. “When it got too much, I ran away. For almost a month. I think that’s what finally made my parents realise that what they were doing was toxic. When the police found me and brought me home, they didn’t stop apologising for about 5 hours. I made it very clear that I wasn’t my brother, and they agreed. After that, things slowly improved. I’m on good terms with them now, but the experience wasn’t without its side effects.”

“Speedrunning?”

Ken chuckled. “Perfectionism. I became a perfectionist; Everything had to be  _ just right _ and any mistake was a grand sin. Turns out, it was a symptom of severe anxiety.” He shrugged a little. “Speedrunning is about optimisation, working out how the game mechanics work and how best to manipulate them. Of course it would appeal to a perfectionist like me. But, it also taught me patience and to know when to let something go; I rarely lose my temper with things like RNG because that’s out of my control and I can accept that now. When I first made my profile, I was… quicker to anger.”

“And that’s why you didn’t want me to watch your old stuff?” Daisuke said knowingly.

“Partly that and partly that I was just a fucking brat and thinking about that time makes me cringe into another plane of existance.” Daisuke threw his head back, cackling. Ken smiled, snuggling closer with a sigh. “...Thank you.”

“Huh? What for?” Daisuke’s brow furrowed in confusion.

“For communicating. For trusting me, and for listening to me. I think opening up like this was good for both of us.”

“Yeah. I’ll try not to clam up in the future. I might not notice sometimes, but I’ll do my best.”

Ken laced their fingers together, running his thumb over Daisuke’s knuckles. “Me too. I-” He was cut off by a sudden yawn.

Daisuke chuckled softly, standing and pulling Ken up with him. “Come on, time for us to get some sleep. I don’t know about you, but I could really use a nice, soft bed right about now.” Ken smiled and nodded, letting Daisuke pull him over to the bed. As they were settling in, Ken had a sudden thought.

“What about dinner? I don’t want to waste that food you made. You chose to make that because I was upset, right?” 

“Don’t worry, I’ve put it away in the fridge. We can have it for lunch tomorrow.” Ken hummed and settled down, yawning widely. He didn’t think he could get up again for anything. Snuggling close, Daisuke pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Good night, Ken.”

“Hmm… good night, Dai.” he replied sleepily.

As they settled down to sleep, Ken curled closer, Daisuke’s steady heartbeat thudding in his ear. Before he drifted off, he felt that no matter the problem, he could face it as long as Daisuke was here.


End file.
